Is it the darkness of my aura? Is it the discomfort of my presence? Is it the actions I unwillingly perpetrate? Or the embitterment I cause people? Ever since history, I am the cause of people’s impulsive, peculiar and ghastly actions. Humans have given me a name. One which I desire not to fall under anymore. I’ve been upbraided; It allows my disquietude to grow to this day, putting me in an even darker hole of melancholy. You’re asking me what I did wrong? Well, what could be considered to be human’s greatest sin? That’s right, murder. I guess I could be convicted for murder. Yes, you heard me. I am the cause of countless of deaths; at least, I consider myself to be. My perplexing nature, which spreads throughout the world in the form of forebodings and furtiveness, is the reason so many humans act towards their immoral side. All that’s needed is one touch of me. One touch of Fear.
I have no clue where I came from, or how I’ve even been introduced to this world. I have no history of myself, I only make history. My biggest “accomplishments” in the history of the world would actually be the deterioration of the world. My god, aren’t I such a sad soul? Would you like to hear some of them? I’m sure you’ve heard of all my accomplishments in history class! I caused the Black Plague to escalate for example. I caused the deaths of millions of soldiers and civilians during wars. I caused the immigrants and refugee problems these last years. And I am the cause of my own solitude. No one dares come near me. People are so afraid of me, that the only way I find any kind of interaction is through touch. Despite the consequences, I still do it, because I can’t do anything else. Death never comes for me; I can only lead others towards Him. So how am I supposed to live my immortal life, if it has nothing else to offer but offering pain to others? Do I accept my inevitable fate? Do I accept I am a danger to everyone? How can I not be dangerous? Please, help me!
My desperation starts growing till it turns the blue sky around me completely grey. The temperature drops significantly, freezing the ground and every feeble, living creature that’s attached to it. Screams are distant, but become louder with every passing second. I observe my surroundings, and feel the fear that I’ve imposed on it. It moves around the entire world, flowing through nature till it reaches the exact point of the source. Me. As fear starts growing, so do I, destroying nearby buildings with the catastrophic magnitude of my beating heart. I am the source of my own destructive energy. People run past me, screaming and falling with every touch I give them. I’m just trying to help! Why don’t people want my help? I grab their arms, forcing them to stay calm, but it only makes things worse. My touch doesn’t just spread fear anymore. It’s sucking up all the fear they have, till they fall, and never stand up again. As if I’m their salvation. As if they can’t stand me anymore, and I have to release them from myself. Roads crack open. Windows shatter. Frozen bodies lie across the icy lanes. Humans are still trying to escape the overwhelming sensation of fear, slipping and falling, and then breaking their necks or cracking their skulls on the pavements. I kneel down where a little girl with a barbie backpack lies on the ground. She stares at me. Her eyelids glued open by the coldness, and her hair stiff and white from the frost. I want to close her eyes, but I don’t want to cause anymore damage to such a pretty face. I might break her, even though she’s already dead. Death stands behind me, putting a hand on my shoulder as a sign of comfort.
“What have I done?” I asked him desperately, bursting out in tears that instantly freeze on my cheeks. It burns. The exact opposite feeling you would expect. “You have gotten yourself to be caught up in your own misery for too long. And as a result, you’ve brought misery to the entire world. You’ve killed more organisms than you’ve ever had before, making my job incredibly hard.” Death speaks with a low, hoarse, and strict voice. “I am so sorry. I don’t know what to do! I am cursed. My entire existence will only consist of suffering and death and disappointment. I will never be able to be happy, because I am incapable of making others happy!” I fall into a fetal position next to the girl, admiring the innocence she portrays even in death. If only I could retrieve it and take it. “Look at me,” Death commanded, “you are not who and what you think you are. You can paralyze people. You can keep them from their dreams. You can keep them small. But you can also keep them safe. You grow when you let your own fear consume you and that’s when you forget how helpful you can be. You’re only spreading your own fear. All you want is the best for yourself and others, however irrational it is. You have your place in the world, only in moderation. It’s a necessity for you to accept your bad side. But you should always improve on your good side.” And then Death disappeared.
I pondered over Death’s words. I have a purpose in this world; I can help others. I should not let my own dark thoughts consume me and restrict me to reach my full potential. I stand up and walk further, alone. And alone I shall make a difference. I look around, accepting the bad I’ve done. Now, all I can do, is move forward. Everything else is history.
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